For Immigrant and Newcomer Survivors

Cultural, emotional, and logistical hurdles newcomer survivors face.

When Abuse Is Complicated by Culture, Language, and Immigration

Why This Feels So Complicated

Abuse is already confusing and painful. When language differences, culture, immigration status, and isolation are part of the picture, everything can feel even more tangled and overwhelming.

If any of this fits your experience, you are not overreacting or “too sensitive.” The barriers you’re facing are real, and they would be hard for anyone.

Language Barriers

Not sharing a common language—or feeling less confident in the main language around you—can make abuse feel especially trapping.

You might notice:

• Relying on your partner or family member to translate in medical, school, or housing situations
• Feeling unsure how to describe what is happening to you in another language
• Fearing that people will misunderstand you or think you are exaggerating
• Being mocked, corrected, or silenced when you try to speak

Some people misuse language differences as a tool of control, for example by:

• Refusing to translate important information for you
• Speaking about you in a language you don’t understand, right in front of you
• Calling you “stupid,” “crazy,” or “childish” because of your accent or vocabulary

Small Steps That Might Help With Language Barriers

You might consider:

• Writing things down in the language you feel strongest in, even if you later translate only parts of it
• Looking for community groups, places of worship, or cultural centers where your first language is spoken
• Saving key phrases in your phone that describe what you are going through, in the language used around you
• Exploring organizations that say they offer interpreters or multilingual support staff

Cultural Shame Cycles

Many cultures value family reputation, loyalty, and sacrifice. These values can be beautiful, but they can also be used to silence people who are being hurt.

You may have heard messages like:

• “We don’t talk about these things outside the family.”
• “You’ll ruin our name if you say anything.”
• “Every relationship has problems. Be patient.”
• “Good partners/children keep the family together, no matter what.”

Over time, this can create a shame cycle:

1. You are hurt or frightened by someone you care about.
2. You’re told it’s your fault, or that speaking up will cause harm to the family or community.
3. You stay quiet and turn the pain inward, feeling guilty, weak, or “broken.”
4. The silence allows the abuse to continue, which deepens the shame.

Gently Questioning Shame Messages

You might notice and gently question thoughts like:

• “If I were stronger, this wouldn’t bother me.”
• “I’m betraying my culture if I ask for help.”
• “A ‘good’ partner/child would stay no matter what.”

Some people find it helpful to ask themselves:

• “If this were happening to someone I love, would I tell them to stay silent?”
• “Is this belief protecting me, or protecting the person who is hurting me?”

Immigration-Related Threats

When immigration status is involved, the person causing harm may use it as a way to increase fear and control. This can be especially distressing and confusing.

Some experiences people describe include:

• Being threatened that authorities will be contacted if they don’t obey
• Having important documents hidden, taken away, or controlled by someone else
• Being told, “No one will believe you because of your status”
• Being pressured to stay in the relationship because of paperwork or sponsorship

Balancing Fear and Your Inner Knowing

You might feel stuck between:

• Fear of what could happen if you speak up or set boundaries
• Your inner sense that what is happening is not okay

It can be helpful to:

• Notice what your body feels when threats are made (tight chest, racing heart, numbness)
• Remind yourself that fear responses are natural and not a sign of weakness
• Take your time exploring information and options at a pace that feels manageable

Isolation and Disconnection

Isolation can show up in many ways, especially in a new country or cultural setting.

You might find that:

• You rarely see friends or family without the other person present
• You are discouraged or prevented from learning the local language or customs
• You feel embarrassed to share what is happening because you expect judgment or disbelief
• You spend most of your time at home, online, or alone

Sometimes isolation is subtle. It might start as “protectiveness” or “tradition,” and slowly turns into control, monitoring, or deep loneliness.

Gentle Ways to Reach Toward Connection

Staying connected does not have to mean big, risky actions. It can look like small, quiet steps, such as:

• Remembering one trusted person you could talk to, even a little
• Connecting with people who share your language or cultural background
• Joining online spaces that feel supportive and moderated
• Spending time in public, low-pressure places like libraries, parks, or community centers

Honoring Culture While Honoring Yourself

You do not have to choose between your culture and your safety. Both matter.

You might:

• Hold on to cultural practices and beliefs that bring comfort, community, and meaning
• Gently set aside teachings that excuse cruelty, humiliation, or control
• Seek out community members, elders, or faith leaders who are open, kind, and non-judgmental

It is okay if your relationship with your culture is complicated. It is okay if you feel proud and hurt at the same time. You deserve respect in every language, in every culture, in every place you call home.

Listening to Your Own Experience

Only you know the full story of what you are living through.

It can be helpful to ask yourself:

• “When do I feel most like myself?”
• “When do I feel the smallest, most afraid, or most controlled?”
• “What tiny step could help me feel just a little bit more supported?”