Safety Planning When You Feel Stuck or Unsure

A calm starting point for safety planning when you’re not sure whether you’re ready to leave, stay, or do nothing yet.

Safety & Planning Hub

You’re Allowed To Not Know Yet

Feeling unsure about what to do next is extremely common. Many people in unsafe or confusing situations are not ready to label it, leave, confront anyone, or make big changes. That does not mean you are weak, overreacting, or doing it “wrong.”

You might be:

• Hoping things will get better
• Worried about money, kids, pets, housing, or immigration
• Feeling love and fear at the same time
• Afraid others won’t believe you
• Simply exhausted and overwhelmed

You are allowed to move slowly. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to care about your safety even if you are not ready to leave, report, or tell anyone yet.

Safety planning does not have to mean a giant life decision. It can simply mean quietly gathering information and considering what might help you feel a little bit safer, one small step at a time.

Tiny, Low-Risk Safety Steps

Small, low‑key actions can sometimes create a bit more breathing room. You never have to do all of these. Consider what feels doable and what might feel too risky where you are.

Taking Care of Your Phone

• Charge your phone when you can, so it has battery if you need it later.
• If it feels safe, memorize or write down one or two important phone numbers and keep them where only you can find them.
• Notice if anyone else often takes, checks, or controls your phone. That information alone can help you plan.

Documents and Essentials

• Identify where important documents are (IDs, health cards, passports, bank cards, prescriptions, kids’ records).
• If it feels safe, keep photos or copies of important documents in a secure place, like a trusted person’s home or a password-protected folder.
• Gradually notice what small items you would want with you in an emergency (medications, glasses, keys, a comfort item).

Support and Signals

• Think about one person who might feel safe to you, even if you are not ready to tell them everything.
• If it feels right, create a simple “check-in” habit, like texting a friend at the same time each day just to say hi.
• You might choose a calm, ordinary phrase that means “please call me” or “are you free to talk?” without alerting anyone else.

Planning in Your Mind

• Quietly notice which doors and exits are usually unlocked or accessible.
• Think about which rooms feel safer (for example, ones with more than one way out).
• Imagine what you might do if you felt scared suddenly, even if you never need to use that plan.

Digital Safety Basics

Phones, apps, and social media can be helpful, but they can also be used to monitor or control someone. You do not have to change everything at once. These are gentle starting points to think about.

Phone and Messages

• Consider whether someone else knows your phone passcode or can unlock it with your fingerprint or face.
• If changing a passcode might cause conflict, you might instead be extra thoughtful about what is saved on your phone.
• Be aware that texts, call logs, and messaging apps often keep records. Deleting messages can sometimes draw attention, so trust your sense of what is safer.
• Many phones have emergency or “do not disturb” features. Explore these only when you feel comfortable and unobserved.

Social Media and Online Accounts

• Notice who can see your posts, photos, and location. Sometimes adjusting privacy settings to “friends only” or limiting who sees certain posts can feel safer.
• Be mindful about posting real-time locations, check-ins, or identifiable places you visit regularly.
• Consider whether anyone else has your passwords or access to your email, social media, or cloud storage.
• If you decide to change a password, choose something new that does not connect to dates, nicknames, or details others know.

Location and Tracking

• Some phones and apps share your location by default. You might gently review which apps have location access when it feels safe to do so.
• Be aware of shared accounts, shared family plans, or “Find My” style services that can show where your device is.
• If turning off location or changing settings could cause questions or arguments, your awareness alone is still valuable.

When Someone Else in the Home Is Unsafe

Feeling unsafe at home is heavy and complicated, especially when the person causing harm is not a partner, but a housemate, relative, or adult child. Your feelings about this can be very mixed. That is understandable.

Notice What Feels Unsafe

• Is it their words, threats, yelling, or property damage?
• Is it substance use, unpredictable moods, or refusing to respect boundaries?
• Is it about access to shared spaces, money, or shared technology?

Putting words to what feels unsafe can help you sort through options, even if you never say those words out loud to them.

Creating a Little More Space

• When possible, spend more time in rooms where you feel calmer or have more control, such as your own bedroom or a quiet corner.
• Consider small changes that do not stand out, like keeping certain belongings in one place that you can access quickly.
• Think about when they are usually home or away, and when you tend to feel more at ease. You might plan errands, calls, or rest around those times when you can.

Support Outside the Home

• Is there a neighbor, coworker, faith community member, or friend you could quietly connect with?
• You might choose one person to be your “outside contact,” even if you only share a little bit at first.
• If it feels safe, you can slowly build a network of people who know a little about what it is like where you live.

Shared Responsibilities and Boundaries

• Sometimes written agreements (like chore charts or bills) can reduce conflict; sometimes they increase it. Your sense of how the other person reacts is important.
• You get to decide how much you explain when you say no or step back from arguments.
• Walking away from escalating conversations, when possible, is a form of protecting your own nervous system, not a sign of losing.

Exploring More Safety Resources

You do not have to take in everything at once. You can come back to these ideas whenever you are ready. These related pages offer more gentle, practical information:

• Understanding Different Kinds of Abuse
• Safety Planning If You’re Not Ready to Leave
• Preparing for Emergencies With Kids and Pets
• Digital Privacy and Online Boundaries
• Coping During and After Scary Incidents
• Talking About Safety With Someone You Trust
• Finding Support in Your Community

You deserve to feel as safe as possible, even in a situation that is complicated or ongoing. Moving at your own pace, gathering information, and caring for yourself in small ways all matter.