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For Teen Survivors

Guidance for younger survivors experiencing control or harm.

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HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Recognizing Pressure and Finding Support in Dating

Understanding Emotional Manipulation

Emotional manipulation is when someone tries to influence what you think, feel, or do in a way that benefits them, while ignoring or dismissing your needs. It can be confusing, because it often hides under “care,” “love,” or “just joking.”

If you feel drained, guilty, or constantly “at fault” around someone, it might be a sign of emotional manipulation rather than something being wrong with you.

Common Signs of Emotional Manipulation

Guilt-tripping: They say things like “If you really loved me, you would…” or “I guess I just don’t matter to you.”
Blaming you for their feelings: “You made me angry,” “You’re the reason I’m upset,” rather than taking responsibility for their own reactions.
Minimizing your feelings: Calling you “too sensitive,” “dramatic,” or “crazy” when you share that something hurt you.
Silent treatment or mood swings: Withdrawing, going cold, or being distant until you give in or apologize, even when you did nothing wrong.
Love-bombing and then pulling away: Intense attention, compliments, and promises, followed by sudden distance if you set a boundary or say “no.”
Twisting your words: Saying “You said you were fine” when you tried to bring up a problem, or changing the story to make you doubt your memory.
Making you feel responsible for them: Suggesting they “can’t live without you” or that their wellbeing depends on what you do.

Feeling confused, “on edge,” or like you have to walk on eggshells around someone is important information. Your confusion is not proof that you’re overreacting; it can be a signal that something isn’t right.

Pressure in Dating and Relationships

Pressure in dating can be emotional, social, or physical. It often shows up as someone pushing past your comfort level, ignoring your “no,” or making you feel like you owe them something for their time, attention, money, or affection.

You never owe someone emotional closeness, physical touch, or sexual activity because you are dating, talking, hanging out, or they “did something nice” for you.

How Pressure Can Show Up

Rushing the relationship: Talking about being “soulmates” right away, pushing for labels quickly, or saying “Why are you making this so complicated?” when you want to take your time.
Pressure about physical intimacy: Saying “Everyone our age is doing it,” “You’re acting childish,” or “If you don’t, I’ll find someone who will.”
Social pressure: Threatening to tell friends lies about you, spread rumors, or embarrass you if you don’t do what they want.
Boundary-pushing: Repeatedly asking after you’ve said no, bargaining (“Just this one time”), or doing things you said you weren’t ready for.
Making you feel guilty for having limits: “You’re ruining the mood,” “You’re making me feel unwanted,” or “You’re so uptight.”

Honoring Your Boundaries

A boundary is anything that protects your comfort, values, time, body, or energy. You are allowed to change your mind at any time, even in the middle of a situation.

You do not have to explain your “no” for it to matter.
You can slow things down, pause, or walk away if you feel uncomfortable.
Someone who respects you will care about how you feel, even if they feel disappointed.

If you are unsure whether you are being pressured, you can ask yourself: “Would I still say yes if I knew there would be no consequences, drama, or guilt if I said no?”

Social Media Dynamics in Dating

Social media can add extra layers of pressure and confusion in dating. It can be a way to connect, but it can also become a way to control, monitor, or manipulate.

Red Flags on Social Media

Demanding constant access: Insisting on your passwords, asking you to unlock your phone, or getting angry if you don’t share everything.
Monitoring your activity: Commenting on everyone you follow, checking when you were last online, or questioning every like, comment, or DM.
Controlling your posts: Telling you what you’re allowed to post, what photos you can share, or how you should present yourself.
Public pressure or shaming: Posting things to embarrass you, subtweeting, or using stories and captions to send guilt-inducing messages.
Using “seen” and “online” as weapons: Getting angry if you don’t reply immediately or if you read a message but need time to think.
Threats involving photos or messages: Hinting they might share private conversations or images if you upset them.

Listening to How Social Media Makes You Feel

How you feel while interacting with someone online matters. Pay attention if you notice:

Relief when you turn off your phone or log out.
Stomach knots when you see their name on your screen.
Fear about them posting or sharing something about you.
Pressure to stay online late or reply instantly, even when you are tired or busy.

You are allowed to have privacy. You can keep certain conversations, accounts, or parts of your life separate, even if you are in a relationship.

Finding and Approaching a Trusted Adult

Dealing with emotional manipulation, pressure, or confusing online dynamics can feel very heavy to carry alone. Reaching out to a trusted adult can help you feel less isolated and more supported.

Who Might Be a Trusted Adult?

A trusted adult is someone who tends to listen, respect your feelings, and try to understand you. This can look different for everyone. Possibilities might include:

A parent, stepparent, or caregiver who usually reacts calmly.
An older sibling, cousin, or family friend you feel safe with.
A teacher, school counselor, or coach who has been kind and respectful.
A faith or community leader you feel comfortable around.
A mentor, club advisor, or youth leader who has shown they care about your wellbeing.

You get to decide who feels safest to talk to. It might not be the person others expect, and that is okay.

How to Start the Conversation

It can feel awkward or scary to bring this up with an adult, especially if you’re worried about being judged or not believed. You do not have to share everything at once. You can start small.

Begin with how you feel: “There’s something going on in my relationship that makes me feel pressured and confused.”
Say what you want from them: “I just need someone to listen,” or “I’d like help sorting out what’s happening.”
Use writing if talking is hard: You can text, message, or write a note and ask if they can read it and talk later.
Set boundaries for the conversation: “Please don’t interrupt until I finish,” or “I might not be ready to answer every question today.”

It is okay if the first adult you try does not respond in the way you hoped. Their reaction is about them, not about the worth or truth of what you shared. You are allowed to reach out to someone else who might listen with more care.

Taking Care of Yourself Emotionally

Being pressured or manipulated in dating or online spaces can affect your self-esteem, sleep, concentration, and overall sense of safety. Taking gentle care of yourself is not selfish; it is a way to reconnect with your own voice.

Small Supportive Steps

Spending time with people who make you feel accepted and at ease.
Taking breaks from your phone or certain apps when you feel overwhelmed.
Journaling or making notes about what has happened and how it made you feel.
Doing activities that remind you of who you are beyond this relationship (music, art, sports, reading, gaming, nature).
Practicing saying simple boundary phrases in your head or out loud, like “I’m not comfortable with that” or “I need some space.”

You deserve relationships—both online and offline—where you feel safe, respected, and able to be yourself. If something feels off, your feelings are worth paying attention to, and you do not have to handle it by yourself.