Why Healing Doesn’t Move in a Straight Line

A soft breakdown of ups, downs, and emotional loops.

When Healing Feels Hard: Emotional Waves, Regression & Anniversaries

When Feelings Come in Waves

Healing is rarely a straight line. It often feels more like waves at the shore—sometimes calm and gentle, sometimes crashing and overwhelming.

If you’ve noticed your emotions rising and falling in ways that surprise you, nothing is “wrong” with you. Your nervous system is doing its best to process a lot.

• You might feel okay one moment and flooded the next.
• You might feel numb for days, then suddenly overwhelmed.
• You might have big feelings “out of nowhere” that don’t match what’s happening around you.

These waves often come because your body and mind are trying to keep you safe while also making sense of what happened. That push-and-pull can feel exhausting, confusing, and even scary at times.

Understanding “Regression” in Healing

Many people describe feeling like they are “going backwards” in their healing. This can feel especially discouraging when you thought you were doing better.

Regression can look like:

• Old coping habits showing up again (numbing out, overworking, withdrawing).
• New or stronger nightmares, flashbacks, or intrusive memories.
• Feeling more sensitive, jumpy, or easily overwhelmed.
• Struggling with tasks that used to feel manageable.

It can feel like, “I already dealt with this—why is it back?” That feeling is very real, and it can be deeply frustrating.

Why “Going Backwards” Often Isn’t Backwards

What feels like regression is often your system revisiting layers that weren’t safe to feel before. As you gain more distance, resources, or support, your body and mind sometimes bring up things that were “on hold.”

This doesn’t mean you failed at healing. It often means:

• You’ve reached a level of safety where new layers can surface.
• Your body is trying to integrate experiences that were once too overwhelming.
• You are noticing more, instead of automatically shutting down.

It is still painful. It still may feel unfair. And it is okay to feel discouraged that things are hard again.

Why Anniversaries Hit So Hard

Many people notice a shift around certain dates, seasons, or times of year—even if they don’t consciously think about the anniversary. Your body and memory can keep track in quiet ways.

Anniversaries can bring:

• Sudden mood changes or irritability for “no clear reason.”
• More anxiety, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts.
• Body memories—tension, heaviness, or pain without an obvious cause.
• Strong urges to isolate, distract, or “just get through it.”

You might remember the date clearly, or you might only notice that “this time of year is always hard.” Either way, the impact is real.

How Anniversaries Can Affect the Body and Mind

Your nervous system often remembers patterns—smells, weather, lighting, sounds, and even the way the air feels. Around anniversaries, these subtle cues can remind your body of past danger, even if you’re not consciously thinking about it.

That can lead to:

• Feeling “on edge” and not knowing why.
• Old fears or beliefs resurfacing.
• Feeling pulled back into old memories or sensations.

None of this means you are “stuck in the past.” It means your system is trying to protect you from anything it associates with harm.

Why Milestones Can Feel So Confusing

Milestones—like birthdays, graduations, new jobs, relationships, or moving homes—are often seen as purely positive. But for many survivors, they bring a mix of relief, joy, grief, anger, and fear.

You might notice:

• Feeling sad or empty at moments when you “should” feel happy.
• Guilt for surviving, succeeding, or leaving others behind.
• Grief for what you didn’t get to have at earlier stages of life.
• Fear that good things might be taken away, or that something bad will follow.

Anything that marks change—even positive change—can stir up old beliefs like “I don’t deserve good things” or “It isn’t safe to relax.” That can make milestones feel tense, unreal, or draining.

Joy, Grief, and Relief Can Coexist

It is completely valid to feel many things at once:

• Relief that you made it here.
• Grief for the version of you who suffered.
• Anger at what was taken from you.
• Pride in how far you’ve come.
• Fear of what comes next.

There is no “wrong” combination of feelings. Mixed emotions do not cancel each other out—they simply show how layered your experience is.

Making Sense of Emotional Ups and Downs

It can be unsettling when your internal world doesn’t match what others see from the outside. You might look “okay” but feel like you’re falling apart inside.

Some gentle reminders:

• Your progress is not erased because you’re having a hard day, week, or month.
• Needing support does not mean you are weak or failing.
• Having big feelings is not a sign that you’re “broken.” It’s a sign that you’ve been through a lot.

Small Ways to Care for Yourself in These Times

Everyone’s needs are different, and you know yourself best. Some people find it helpful to:

• Gently name what’s happening: “This might be an anniversary wave” or “This feels like an old layer coming up.”
• Lower expectations a little around hard dates or milestones, if that feels possible.
• Lean on safe, trusted people or supportive spaces where you can share, if you want to.
• Return to simple, grounding routines like eating, resting, and moving your body in ways that feel okay.

It is completely okay if all you can do is focus on getting through one hour at a time.

You Are Not Alone in This

Many people who have lived through harm, loss, or trauma experience emotional waves, feelings of regression, intense anniversaries, and confusing milestones. Even if people around you do not fully understand, your experience is real.

You are not “too sensitive,” “too dramatic,” or “behind.” You are a person who has endured a lot, finding ways—again and again—to keep going.

Whatever today looks like for you, your feelings are valid, your pace is enough, and you are worthy of gentleness, right where you are.