Why You Might Feel Numb or Disconnected

A grounded trauma-informed explanation of numbness.

Understanding the Freeze Response and Gentle Ways to Soothe Yourself

What the Freeze Response Really Is (In Plain Language)

Many people know about “fight or flight,” but there is another very common reaction to fear, stress, or danger: freeze.

Freezing can look like:

• Feeling stuck, like your body won’t move or react
• Going quiet or “checking out” in the middle of something overwhelming
• Not being able to speak, even when you want to
• Feeling spaced out, foggy, or far away from what’s happening

This reaction is not a choice and not a character trait. It is your body’s built-in way of trying to get you through a moment that feels too big, too fast, or too unsafe.

Why Freezing and Numbness Happen

When something feels scary, threatening, or too much to handle, your body tries to protect you. Sometimes that protection looks active (like fighting or running). Other times, your system decides that going still, going quiet, or going numb is the safest option it can find.

Numbness can show up as:

• Not feeling much of anything, even when you “should” feel a lot
• Feeling like you’re watching yourself from the outside
• Having trouble remembering parts of what happened
• Feeling like your emotions are turned down or turned off

Your body may do this to keep you from being overwhelmed by feelings that are too intense to process all at once. It is a survival pattern, not a personal flaw.

Numbness Is Not Failure

You did not fail because you froze.

You did not fail because you went along, stayed quiet, or felt nothing. In those moments, your body was doing the best it could with the information and options it believed it had.

Some gentle truths:

• Freezing is not consent. Being unable to move or speak does not mean you agreed.
• Numbness is not weakness. It is often what helped you get through.
• Your reactions were shaped by your history. If freezing kept you safer before, your body may use it again.
• You don’t have to “earn” the right to be believed by reacting a certain way.

You might look back and think, “Why didn’t I yell, run, or fight?” That question is common, and it often comes from a place of pain and self-blame. From the outside, it’s easy to imagine other reactions. From the inside, in real time, your body chose the path it thought might get you through.

Letting Go of “I Should Have…”

Thoughts like “I should have known,” “I should have stopped it,” or “I should be over this by now” can be really heavy. They often come from:

• Wanting to make sense of something senseless
• Trying to find control after a time when control was taken from you
• Ideas from movies, shows, or others about how people “should” react

You are viewing the situation with more time, space, and information than you had in the moment. That doesn’t mean you actually had those options then. It just means you are hurting now and trying to understand.

Gentle Self-Soothing: Small, Kind Steps

You don’t have to “fix” numbness or force big feelings to prove something. Gentle self-soothing is about offering yourself small pieces of comfort and safety, slowly, at your own pace.

1. Start With Your Senses

Using your senses can help you feel a little more present without pushing too hard.

• Touch: Wrap up in a soft blanket, hold a pillow, or place a hand over your heart or on your cheek.
• Sight: Look around and name 5 things you see. Let your eyes land on something calming, like a plant, a photo, or the sky.
• Sound: Listen to gentle music, nature sounds, or a calming voice. Notice one sound that feels okay to pay attention to.
• Smell: Smell something familiar and pleasant if you have it nearby, like tea, soap, or a candle.
• Taste: Sip water or a warm drink. Notice the temperature and how it feels in your mouth and throat.

You don’t have to notice anything special. Simply paying a bit of attention to your senses can be enough.

2. Softening the Body, Just a Little

When freezing or numb, it can be hard to move. Tiny movements count.

• Wiggle your fingers or toes slowly.
• Roll your shoulders in small circles.
• Stretch your arms overhead if that feels okay, then let them fall back down.
• Place your feet on the floor and gently press them down, noticing the support.

You can stop at any time. The goal isn’t to “snap out of it” but to remind your body that some movement is allowed now.

3. Gentle Breathing That Doesn’t Feel Forced

Breathing exercises don’t need to be dramatic or perfect. Even slightly slower, softer breaths can help.

• Notice your next breath without changing it.
• Then, try breathing in through your nose a little deeper than usual.
• Breathe out slowly through your mouth, as if you’re gently blowing through a straw.
• Repeat this a few times, only if it feels okay. If it doesn’t, you can stop.

If focusing on your breath feels uncomfortable or brings up distress, it’s completely okay to skip this and focus on something else, like touch or sound.

4. Kind Self-Talk (Even If You Don’t Fully Believe It)

Talking to yourself with kindness can feel strange at first. You don’t have to feel every word; just offering them gently can matter.

You might try saying softly, in your head or out loud:

• “It makes sense that I reacted the way I did.”
• “Freezing helped me get through something really hard.”
• “I am allowed to feel numb. I don’t have to force anything.”
• “I’m doing the best I can with what I have right now.”
• “I am safe enough in this moment to take one slow breath.” (Only if that feels true.)

You can change the words to fit your voice. Short, simple phrases are enough.

5. Creating Tiny Pockets of Comfort

You don’t need a full “routine.” Even one small comforting thing can be meaningful.

• Sit or lie in your favorite spot, even for a few minutes.
• Hold something that feels grounding: a soft toy, a rock, a piece of jewelry, or anything meaningful.
• Drink something warm and soothing, like tea or cocoa, if that’s accessible.
• Watch or listen to something gentle that doesn’t overwhelm you.
• Write down one thing that feels okay or less hard today, even if it’s very small.

When You Feel Numb and Worry It Means You Don’t Care

Numbness can be confusing. You might think:

• “If it was really that bad, I’d be more upset.”
• “Maybe I made it up, because I don’t feel anything.”

Numbness does not mean you don’t care and does not mean it wasn’t serious. It often means:

• Your system is overwhelmed and trying to protect you from feeling everything at once.
• Your feelings are “frozen” for now, not gone forever.
• Your body learned that turning down feelings helped you survive.

Feelings can return in waves or in small pieces over time. There is no “right” timeline, and there is nothing you have to perform to be believed.

Listening to Your Own Pace

Healing from overwhelming experiences is not about pushing yourself to feel more or do more. It is about slowly building a sense of safety, even in tiny doses, and allowing your system to thaw only as much as feels bearable.

You might:

• Pause and check in: “What feels even slightly okay right now?”
• Give yourself permission to rest instead of “figuring it all out” today.
• Reach out to someone you trust, if that feels right, and share only what you’re comfortable sharing.